Granny's Blog

Back in September I told you of the day when Granny left her car outside Sainsbury’s while she went into the store to do some shopping. Nothing wrong with that except Granny not only left the keys in the car but she also left the engine running while she spent her normal hour or two gossiping and catching up on the latest coming and goings at Sainsbury’s.

The other day Granny paid a return visit to Sainsbury’s for some more shopping. For those of you not familiar with the area, the store is at the top of Swan Hill on Woodchurch Road. Those of you who do know the area will know how steep Swan Hill is – Granny only parked the car and forgot to put the handbrake on!!

There is an old saying about how you cannot teach an old dog new tricks but today Granny and I disproved that. While running round doing some last minute Christmas chores we passed a KFC and Granny asked did they do breakfasts. I thought at the time it was a bit of a daft question because who wants chicken for breakfast but because it is the season of joy [sic], I decided to let it go.

I explained to Granny that they didn’t do breakfast and then the realisation hit me…

GRANNY HAD NEVER IN HER LIFE EXPERIENCED FAST FOOD!

Determined to bring Granny kicking and struggling into the 21^st Century we headed for McDonald’s so Granny could experience her very first Maccies Breakfast.

Upon arrival at the drive-thru Granny decided she would have a Sausage, Egg & Cheese Bagel Breakfast meal. I drove forward toward the machine that takes your order and Granny nearly jumped out of her skin wanting to know who I was talking to!?!?!

Granny enjoys her Maccies

Within 30 seconds we had driven forward to the first window, paid for our breakfasts, collected our food from the second window and were on our way out. Granny was shocked and wanted to know how they got our breakfasts ready so quickly because when we drove in they didn’t even know what we wanted. Surely they couldn’t have cooked our breakfast that fast?

We drove round the corner to Monks Ferry to eat it and Granny was shocked. It was nice it could even be described as the future. So on Christmas Eve 2011 at the ripe old age of 67, Granny has finally had her first McDonald’s experience!

Granny was lovin’ it!

From time to time items disappear from the kitchen. Regular readers will know that Granny hates to use her bin, as rubbish makes it dirty, so she bags up her rubbish and deposits it down in the council bins near the local shops. Hence, if things disappear we assume that she has scooped them up in the bags of rubbish and deposited them in the public bins.

Potato peelers, knives, tea spoons, etc., have all previously gone AWOL assumed lost in the council bins.

However, this week Granny has surpassed herself; she has managed to lose a pint coke glass!

How on earth do you manage to scoop up something of that size and “accidently” throw it in the rubbish? Surely you would notice something of that size in a carrier bag of rubbish meant for the bin. This was not a small glass it was a full one-pint coke glass courtesy of the last McDonald’s free coke glass promotion.

I don’t know how she does it!

Granny always seems to get things mixed up. Everything you say gets turned around inside that head of hers and comes out as something completely different.

She was just sitting there watching one of her favourite daytime telly programmes, Loose Woman, when I noticed that the host Andrea was sporting one of those wide eyebrows from Desperate Scousewives. You know the one – where it is really wide towards the centre of the head and then narrows as it gets to the sides. On Desperate Scousewives they call it a “Scousebrow”.

I told Granny; “Look at that, Andrea’s got a Scousebrow!”

Sometime passes while Granny is trying to look busy in the kitchen and eventually she comes out and looks at the telly. Granny takes one look and says; “Andrea hasn’t got a Scousebrow, her forehead moves she hasn’t had Botox!”

I give up!!!

Granny went to the shops today to get some more of her styling gel. As you can see from the bottle on the left she had run out. Now Granny being Granny she didn’t want to come back with the wrong stuff so she took the empty bottle with her and erm…

…came back with the bottle on the right.

Granny

Yes Granny, they are definitely the same as we can all tell!!!

Granny just caught me writing the previous post and was not impressed that I was putting it on the blog. She glared at me and was trying to think of a way to say that I was terrible for embarrassing her. You know, the way you might say to someone; “You don’t have a decent bone in your body”. However, what came out of her mouth was…

“You don’t have a bone in your head”